So...I drove in the snow again today. A drive that usually takes 5 minutes took me over an hour because of the freakin' snow. I cried most of the way home too. Go me! Boo on snow and driving. Luckily I didn't get into another accident. Thank gods! Yay snow any other time! I think I'll make another snowangel...lol...with the aid of some After Shock. Oh, and I'm going to The Pillar, a hookah lounge, some time soon! Whoot!

P.S. - The Prestige is an amazing movie! See it!

Today I'm feeling worse than before...not a good day by my standards. Having my whole family (mom's side) here...well, to be honest, it sucks ass. My bedroom has been stolen, so I get to sleep on an uncomfortable pullout. Now I'm just bitching...anyway. It's too busy here now, and it's not going to get any better. My grandfather is now living with us and helping out with him makes me uncomfortable. I feel really bad about that because he's my pop-pop, but I'm still really uncomfortable anyway. Thankfully my aunt and my soon-to-be uncle are leaving tomorrow. It will make things less crowded. My aunt keeps asking me when I'll be coming to visit Montana. I keep saying I don't know. Maybe in May...I really don't want to go alone, but I really want to visit them and see Montana. Maybe I can get someone to come with me. ::hint, hint:: I don't know what will happen yet. Who knows...anyway.

I've been really tired lately. All I want to do is sleep, and that gets me into trouble...oh joy. I'm still suffering from what I think are side effects...don't really know. I've also been on a depressive movie streak. I think I've watched Brokeback Mountain at least 5 times in the last 2 days, which also gets me into trouble...double joy. And so I've been crying more than usual, which sometimes feels good to let it out. That brings me to another point now. I'm kicking myself for not doing something months ago and now it has come back to bite me in the ass. Way to go me...

On a positive note, I had a get-together with some cool kids on Friday. It was a good time. Two words: "Scene It!". Who know that game could be so fun...lol. I don't think I ever laughed that hard. Three more words: "All American Girls". That's just special.

Wow...as I am sitting here, I just realized how much I'm going to miss Ship. Part of me is happy that I'm gone and the other part is crying. I'm going to miss so much. I told them to take lots of pictures and put them on facebook, and yet when I see them I know I'll cry. But post them anyway.

Back to the being really tired bit...I am, but I find it very hard to find sleep for my mind is always running and I can't seem to shut it off. I keep thinking of all the above shit and more and I just want to cry some more. Wow...I sound like so much fun.

As far as journals of doom go, this one is kinda sad...oh well, I can't think of anything else to type about. Peace out!

Side effects are just dandy...NOT!!!

<--- that's me sad...

Anyway...

PARTY ON FRIDAY!!! WHOOT!!!

I'm finally admitting to myself that I need help...I'm talking serious help and fast. I'm forcing myself to go to the CC tomorrow because I can no longer deal with things on my own. I feel as if I'm one step away from complete mental shutdown. I'm scared out of my mind. I'm not myself anymore mentally, physically, or emotionally. I need a third party because I can't trust others to not judge me.

I'm sitting in bed after a long weekend at Agape wondering why I do the things I do. There are multiple reasons why I shouldn't be thinking right now besides me being insane. Reasons being the fact that I haven't gotten more than 6 hours of sleep this weekend and the fact that it's now four in the morning. But alas here I am thinking anyway. I only have two words to describe what happened... "Fucked up!" I mean what the bloody hell was I thinking. I'm so beyond stupid right now. ::smacks self over the head repeatedly:: I was perfectly content with regard to my life, but now it's as if Agape never even happened. God...I think I'm just fucked up in general. And don't even get me started about this year's Agape. A couple people who shall remain nameless are asses. I'm finding it increasing more difficult to stay mad at them, and yet they are clueless as usual. Well, to sum this shit up...this week is going to suck hardcore. HELP!